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I believe the closest a&e is Broomfield hospital....the other side of Chelmsford to Bayswater [emoji23]

When the love of my life was alive and just a puppy, my wife and I went to bed and my baby was tucked over with a blanket and left cuddling his 'baby' - a tennis ball that went everywhere with him. I made the silly mistake of leaving my work-boots in the vicinity of easy access to his gnashers. When I woke with the alarm at 0400 ready to go off to work - I went into the kitchen to check on my 'boy' and to let him out for a pee before going into the bathroom myself to have a S.S.S and S. Up the garden he went with his tennis ball - did what he had to do and came back in. Off he went - zoom - straight into the bedroom - nuzzling the wife to move over a bit and straight under the covers. Kettle on, ciggie lit and get ready for work. Now, I am sure that when I took my boots off after the previous days 6 till 2 shift the boots were highly polished, and I'm sure they had a top and did have a top and metal eyes which the lace is thread through?.....well, at approximately 0458 it was noted that the left boot had a lace and one side of the top of the boot, but the right boot only had a lace and was barely recognisable as a boot. Never did see the eyelets again, and I can promise you - I looked for weeks, and I mean 'looked'. Sadly, my baby is no longer with us after 15 years, but I can honestly say my heart was truly broken the day I had to take him to the vet. Love your dog, 'ammer, and your dog will love you more than her own life. Anyway - If it is any use to you - if your 'baby' starts to get bored, maybe leading to chewing furniture - get yourself 2 pairs of socks - preferably 1 pair of footy socks (but not a 'ammer pair - poor dog would be poorly with indigestion just looking at 'em, let alone putting them anywhere near the mouth) - now, with the normal socks, over a period of time (depending on how much you sweat), wipe under your armpits with 1 sock and wrap it inside the second 'normal' sock. Now, repeat using said sock until the socks take on the 'human scent'. When you are satisfied the smell is strong, place inside the footy sock. Now, do the same with the footy sock containing the pair of socks. After time and the smell etc etc,... place inside the last footy sock and tie off nice and tight up to the 3 internal socks. Do a good few knots up the sock and then offer to your dog. She'll instantly take to the scent and her boredom/thought of being alone (for want of trying to explain it differently) will be virtually zero, and your furniture will be saved. She may try to chew the sock, but just keep taking it away from her with a stern 'no', and then offer it her back. Rinse and repeat for as long as nessie-celery, but it wont be for too long. That gem was given to me by a work colleague who used to train dogs, that when trained; would 'talk' for hours if instructed to do so, and rip your arm off at the same time. I remembered it, and put it in to practise with my 'baby' quite a few years later, and he never ever chewed any furniture - boots yes, Chippendale, never. (OK, Ikea) That said - as Adam has mentioned - there is a massive difference between a dog trainer and a trained dog.

As an ex professional dog trainer I will say this: If you were to list out the majority of points of advice in this thread and action them you would possibly ruin your dog for life. If that is a little over dramatic based on the situation it is only because of her breed. A sensitive collie, you definitely would, a lab maybe a little more bomb proof. None of it is wrong as such, just to generic to be given without context. Eg, someone mentioned a clicker. Well you need a very good command of what it is, what it does and why it works for it to work. The amount of people I see using a clicker as a recall command, or to make their dog sit etc etc makes me cringe! I could write you pages of advice and info on dog training, how dogs learn, how various techniques will work/not work and why, but without seeing and working with you and the dog all I would be doing is telling you how to dog train, not how to train your dog, and get the best from her and correct the issues you are having. My advice would be to find a good behaviouralist and invest in one or two sessions with them. Considering you'll be living with your dog for 14 years, and a good trainer will give you real relevant ways to correct your specific issues in one or two hours it would be a good investment. Where are you based? I know trainers up and down the country. If you happen to be local to me I'll do it myself for free. Love your dog, enjoy her, and take advice from those that know, not those that think they know. One or two well trained dogs does not a dog trainer make. Sorry if this post sounds harsh. I don't mean to sound arrogant, Just I know what it takes to get good at this stuff, and it is something that people often take too lightly. The wrong advice can be damaging and you have to live with the consequences. That being said, nealjt's last post is a good one. A behaviour that doesn't get the desired response will change or disappear. apart from the compressed air bit though, which is used as an unconditioned positive punisher, and a correct gauge of reaction and understanding should be gone through before using it. Can be good, can be useless, can be bad. Depends.